I stopped at Panda’s house this morning (afternoon, rather) and asked her if she wanted to get out for a while, so she offered to take us both to a very late lunch at Macados.  While we were there we started talking about epiphanies and how we’ve both done nothing but take people’s shit most of our lives.  Here we are, adults, and we’re still taking people’s shit.

It’s necessary when you’re younger, I guess… The whole “respect your elders” thing as it goes, because, let’s face the facts, that’s how you develop manners and street smarts.  I’m not condemning that.  I’m condemning how in high school you’re supposed to start establishing your identity.  You’re still supposed to respect your elders, but you’re supposed to start figuring out who it is you want to be and who it is you are going to be in your life when the time comes.

My problem (and Panda’s) is that we are Yes Women.  We say yes to goddamn everything.  Loan you money?  Yes.  Do you a favor?  Yes.  House-sit?  Yes.  Go pick up your kid from school when it’s on the other side of town?  Yes.  Even if it’s inconvenient for us, we will bend over backwards to see that your comfort is not compromised and hope that you’ll like us a little more and that it will boost our karma.

But like I was telling her today, why are we still Yes Women?  I didn’t join roller derby for other people, I did it for me.  I didn’t dye my hair black for other people, I did it for me.  I didn’t keep Joxer Ramone for other people, I did it for me.  Why are we still doing shit for other people?

I mean, I don’t give a good goddamn if Joe Blow Nobody comes through my line if he likes me or not, so why the fuck should I care if you like me or not?

And I know it might seem a bit juvenile, but Facebook is the first step to recovery from being stuck in this vicious cycle… Because facts are facts - there are some people that I just don’t care about anymore.

My dad told me that this day would come, when I should just be like, “Look, I’ve been evaluating those people that are essential friends and that give me as much as I give them, and you’re not one of those people, so I’m going to just burn this bridge right here and now.”  I mean, I’m being honest with myself -there are people that I have in my life that are completely shitty “friends.”  I’ve inconvenienced myself for them and have gotten absolutely nothing in return.  So why am I still friends with people like that?

Some people are going to start disappearing from my Facebook.  It’s pros and cons time.

The broad realization of this whole thing is probably what’s making my hair fall out in clumps - something that it’s been doing for quite a while.  So perhaps if I keep being “selfish” and do things for me and not for anyone else, maybe my hair will be healthier.  Maybe I’ll lose another 34 pounds.  Maybe I’ll keep smiling.